


Hold me when I'm falling apart

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self Confidence Issues, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-09
Updated: 2013-11-09
Packaged: 2018-01-01 00:24:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1038158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis wants to die, Harry couldn't live without him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold me when I'm falling apart

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for self harm and suicidal thoughts!

Louis wants to die.  
He just wants to slide open his skin and bleed everything out, his worthlessness, his fat, wants to bleed until his heart stops beating.  
He wants to ruin himself, hates himself so much. He doesn’t know why he was still here, why he didn’t already do it.  
Well maybe he does. Maybe it was because of a certain curly haired boy with green eyes, which used to sparkle so brightly and happily but now just seemed dull. Just one of the seemingly endless list of things Louis fucked up.  
He wants to hate Harry, for his stupid grin and his stupid, stupid flower crowns, for his ability to leave Louis helplessly drowning in his feelings for this boy. He wants to hate him for making Louis’ heart beat faster and giving him this stupid cliché-fluttery-feeling in his stomach area. Most of all he wants to hate him for making Louis think that there is something to live for, for giving him the power to fight just a little longer. And this always ends with Louis hating himself even more when he loses the last glimpse of hope he still had, until Harry starts again, always trying so hard.  
Without Harry Louis would already be dead and this seems like the most beautiful thing to Louis.  
He just wants to hate Harry for keeping him alive, not letting him give up because it hurts so much to live with this emptiness and sadness every day.  
Be he can’t, he loves him. Loves him so much that he would give up everything for him without a second thought. He wants to protect Harry, never wants him to hurt.  
But he also knows that he himself is what hurts Harry the most, could see it every time, looking into Harry’s eyes when he discovered new wounds on Louis’ wrists, thighs or wherever Louis found a little space that wasn't already covered in scars.  
Louis also knows that Harry could never stop loving him, no matter how much Louis hurts him.  
He knows this because they often enough ended up all over each other, both crying, desperately seeking comfort. Harry would whisper little promises and pleas in Louis’ skin.  
He’d say:” I love you, I don’t want you to leave me, please, Louis. I couldn't live without you.” while Louis presses little kisses on his neck, chest and every part of Harry, that he could reach, muttering back: “I could never leave you, I love you, I love you so much.”  
And Harry would nod and kiss him probably and both of them would act as if they don’t know that Louis is _so_ close to killing himself and leaving Harry forever, every day.  
Harry knows that he can’t just fix Louis, but he tries; tries so hard for his beautiful boy.  
He would be there every time Louis needs him, hoping that maybe, one day, Louis wouldn't need to be saved anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment, it would mean the world to me!!  
> 


End file.
